So serendipitous but not-so-destined

How do you expect her to feel?

When she learns the boy she loved

With every corner of her soul

Once loved her, too?

 

Not now.

Not still.

 

But he did at some point in his lifetime and in her lifetime.

Conveniently.

Briefly.

Serendipitously.

 

She doesn’t know

Whether the truth breaks her more

Or sets her free

 

And yet somehow 

That almost-love

Feels heavier

Than none at all.

 

Then there is destiny.

Then there is ‘destined’.

Then there is domino effect.

 

What is love, truly?

Why can’t it be simple?

Why can’t it be serendipitous?

Why can’t it be a Hallmark Christmas movie?

Why can’t it be two people sitting together on a bench under the autumn sky?

 

Well, as always, I ask too many questions!

It is. What it is. 

 

Yours

Apparently

On the cusp of turning 40

One must do some damage control

One must learn to blunt the hurt

One must learn to tidy the heart

One must learn to grieve the grief

One must learn to patch the leaking wound

One must sit with oneself

Not as a critic

But as a witness to survival

For this is not the end

This is an ode to new beginnings

Loud thoughts, you say!

 Why is it the way it is?

Why does it hurt the way it does?

Why do I vent the way I do?

Why don’t you fade the way everything does?

Why do I drown my thoughts the way I do?

Why can’t let you go the way I do it for other things?

I ask a lot of questions. I know I do. Very few know I do.

Yours

Numbness of the monkey mind

Holding back

Holding back is a  trait

Holding back is a safety net

We all hold back a lot of things and we spill a lot of things

I don't hold back when I write
You don't hold back when you paint

I don't hold back when I capture photographs
You don't hold back when you sing

I don't hold back on my instincts
You don't hold back when you sting

I do hold back a lot of things
You do hold back your deeper emotions

Isn't holding back is a sign of not letting go?
Or is it just a game of the mind?


Or sometimes things are just plain black and white
Not grey
Not blue
Not even red

Yours
Exhastipated mind of an overthinker's soul 

Why does it still hurt so bad?

 

A single tear runs down your cheek,

A single breath in and out shuts down your emotions

A single song

A single voice

A single baritone melancholic soothing voice of the maestro

A single conversation

A single fragment of your silence

A single syllable of an old song

A single glass of good old red liquid

A single memory of happiness

A single memory of sadness

A single fling of an illusion

A suffocating chest tightness

A reminder of old love.

Yours

Piya basanti re, kahe sataye

Koi fariyaad dil mein dabi hai

 

You are watching a beautiful sunrise,
You are watching a beautiful sunset,
You are at the beach and the setting sun happens to fill your heart with pure joy,

You are travelling to a new destination

You are taking that long morning walk with only your thoughts to listen to

You are watching the rain drops hit the earth

You are relishing the sweet savoury pieces of dark chocolate melt in your mouth

You are indulging on a perfectly made grilled cheese sandwich

You are enjoying the intoxicated smell of hot cinnamon coffee

You are spending quality time with your loved ones

You don’t want these moments to pass

You don’t want the time to fly

You want to linger a little longer

I call it’ the not-yet’ moment.

Happiness is a tricky thing

It isn’t easy, but we can try

For instance, I love writing. I don’t do enough of writing though. Although it calms my mind.

For instance, I love experimenting with my camera. Although it brings me pure happiness. 

For instance, I love reading. Although it inspires me. I don’t do enough of it.

Lately I am not doing enough of these things.

I wonder why we don’t do things that we love and cherish

Happiness isn’t easy but at least we can try

Yours

अभी ना जाओ छोड़कर कर दिल अभी भरा नहीं