Not even a silent yes, not even a louder no

The pain is incandescent. Sometimes i just want to dig in as many hole it takes to make a big hollow cylinder so that whatever goes in, comes out clean! But i guess i don't have any filter. Whatever goes in, gets stuck for quite sometime. What amazes me is whether it gets stuck deliberately or i suffocate it to death inside me?
But the if it stays, then for how long?

By the way how long is forever??

Sometimes i wish i could make the pain go away by bursting the bubble
And sometimes i wish i could suck out the pain out my life through a needle!

And you say i don't have any wish! 

You never leave me!
You never leave me alone!

I think about you when am awake!
I think about you in the shower!
I think about you when am physically somewhere else!
I think about you in my trans state!
I think about you when am driving, probably that's the reason why i get lost!
I think about you when am alone, but am i alone, probably that's why am so self-involved!
I think about you when am asleep!
I think about a lot and probably that's why it is so exhausting!

You know what i think  i should take a break from myself!! Well is that even possible??

When i become tired of you, i rest my ever restless mind
But i guess that is formidable ever since i met you
And i end up dreaming about you!
And i end of loving you even more!

I know love is not enough, but how much is enough?

I have to let go 
I have to close the lid once again
I have to shut down
I have to zip up once again

And you have nothing to say!
Not even a silent yes!
Not even a louder no!

And here i am, again!! Stuck in the same neurotic place as ever! 

Loving you in my head is easier than loving you in person!
And what an irony! It's even easier for you!

It's always difficult to make peace within 
It's always difficult to fight with the inner voice

But it's much more than that!
Fighting with the urge 
Fighting with the wish
Fighting with the impulse
Fighting with the intuition
Fighting with the call

Because in the end you know these small little things make you happier!

Your's
I wanna wrap you up
I wanna kiss your lips
I wanna call you mine
I wanna hold your hand- "Wanted"

And i made a fool out of me!

Meri ek tamanna thi

Tamannao ka gala ghotna asaan nahi hai
Tamannao ka gala ghotna muskil bhi nahi

Ek baar jo dafna diya to, use jagana namumkin hai
Ek baar jo apne se alag kar diya, use gale se lagana mere usoolon ke khilaf hai

Aisa fir se hoga, socha na tha
Aisa fir se hoga, socha na tha

Aur mera tazuurba yeh kehta hai
Tu chale chal apni raah pe
Tu chale chal apni raah pe

Kya pata kal  usi tammanna se fir roobaroo ho jaye tu!!


Your's
Maiin juda tumse!!
Ab tumhi se hai nibhana!!

A little me, a lot you!

This is not the way I wanted things for me
I hope someday I will understand!!

When I know there is negativity in this whole wide world, why do I search for positivity!
When I know the yearning grows stronger, why can't I shut the emotional box down!
When I know the answers, why do I search for questions!
When I know I can't walk the same path, why do I follow you!!

Your's
I can't find a way out!