An open letter to my first love

Dear first love,


I remember you as the reason for my ridiculously happy inner child

I remember you as the reason for my insanely happy heart

I remember you as the reason for my incredible pricking pain

I remember you as the reason for my incessant overthinking



I am not sad that you are someone else's
I am not disappointed that you are happy
I am not jealous that you are content
I am not angry that you are no longer mine



Although I feel a little lost sometimes
Although my eyes well up when I write about you
Although I feel a little empty space cropped up inside of me
Although my heart longs for you in a helpless way
Although I feel a little longing for the not-so-love we shared
Although my mind rationalizes with my heart


After all, some first loves are only first loves!
After all, some heart breaks are only heart breaks!


Well we all wonder what could have been, should have been and would have been!
Then isn't it how the mind copes!
Mine developed  several unhealthy coping mechanisms!



Yours

My first love. ALWAYS.

It took me two years to fall in love with you and 6 even years to fall out of love!


Sometimes reminiscing fills your heart with the lost love that you long for.



Yours

Head and Heart 

When you start writing about what is right in this world

When you stop writing about the pricking pain that haunts you

When you let go of the afterglow and embrace the everglow


You know you are healed.


Yours
Me

Masks.

At the end of the day, she took her mask off and thought to herself:

Can you have a sympathetic mask and empathetic mask on at the same time??

I often ask myself the same questions over and over again

Can you have a lover’s mask and hater’s mask on at the same time??

I often ask myself the same questions over and over again

Can you have an angel’s mask and sinner’s mask on at the same time??

I often ask myself the same questions over and over again

Can you have a saint’s mask and Satan’s mask on at the same time??

I often ask myself the same questions over and over again   

Can you have a giver’s mask and a taker’s mask on at the same time??

I often ask myself the same questions over and over again

Can you have a pain mask and a healing mask on at the same time??

I often ask myself the same questions over and over again

Can you forgive and forget at the same time??

I often ask myself the same questions over and over again

We all wear masks. A different one at different hour of the day.

Yours

I couldn’t help but wonder, which mask was on while writing down these thoughts