What is your state of mind?

I really wonder, not once not twice but many a times, does our present state of mind affects our decision making in any way?

Does the state of mind affects him or her in a very intense way?
Does it interferes with saying yes or no to a question?
Or does it pile up in numerous questions in front of you?
Or does it pile up in numerous answers in front of you?

Like for instance, i suddenly become very angry with a person? 
This is purely and deeply for instance, not the actual fact and there is no such particular person. Yeah right so sometimes i become very angry with a person for some silly reason, that particular moment i become furious, but may be later, or after some hours when i look at it, it looks so stupid.. Why does this happen? I often wonder the human capabilities of getting angry so fast? So how many minutes it takes me to  become angry? some fraction of seconds right! How an emotion can be so quick and so strong? Have you ever wondered?? I usually do... Is it due to the way am made or just sheer habit..
Now when we talk about habits, yeah they can be good, they can be bad..They can be addictive and then again they can be just habits....

They say people who commit suicide are cowards..Do you agree ? I know some of you agree and some won't.. And some wouldn't even have wondered about this? Why? Well some may be too busy to even worry about others, or some may not be affected by this.. Though am lucky enough not to witness this. But i have been a hostelite during my student life and i have heard a few. It's a very sensitive thing if you observe very closely. When i think about this, i usually wonder what on the earth makes the person so fragile and so stressed that she or he has to give up on life. There is always at least one person in your life with whom you want to age slowly. But when one commits suicide, what is the state of mind? Is the person afraid of being a person he is or is he afraid of the person he is turning into? Does this fragility make the person so strong emotionally that he decides to let go of everything?

You confess your truth
Does it makes you stronger?

You confess your lie 
Does it make you weaker?

You confess your fear
Does that make you invincible?

Confessing a thing or two is never easy. Some are born with open mind. Some are born with closed mind..Some have the capability of sharing and some are just amputated when it comes to sharing. Some are very selective about their choices they make in life. They are very careful about what they talk and to whom. If you ask me what i feel about confessions of a complicated mind! Why complicated? Trust me mind is always complicated, it's always the person who processes it..Some make it complicated, so there goes!! ahh! he or she is a very complicated person. And those who process it swiftly and neatly, we call them a open book..Even anatomically the mind errrr brain is truly a complicated structure...Let's keep the anatomy out of the mind! Let it not complicate the post! :) 
It has always been a bigggg step for me to confess certain truths of my life! And why..Isn't that supposed to be easy..Well what makes it difficult is the state of mind! One moment your are emotionally driven, so you confess your exact thoughts! One moment you are so hurt you hold back everything... One moment you are so restless that it just becomes a poison trying to escape! It starts spilling! One moment you are so afraid that it makes you breathless! You wonder what if and what next!!! So it's always the state of mind that interferes with your confessions! And trust me if are woman! You have enough mood swings! Thanks to those boiling hormones and thanks to pms!! We have a lot more extra on that platter! 
When that moment passes, more often you kill yourself a thousand times on what on the earth was your state of mind!!! We often end up thinking, owh my gawd! I would have never said that! I am such a fool! But then like always our human tendency interferes! C'mon you have balls to talk about that shit and you have a very strong gut feeling to absorb that!

So there it goes again, the state of mind complicating my thoughts!
State of mind never lasts longer!
State of mind never stays!
State of mind never leaves!
State of mind always craves the longing!
State of mind always creates the excitement!
State of mind always shuts you down from with in!
State of mind is always and never!!!


Your's 
Maiin anjani si hun woh kahani!
Hogi jo na puri!

Forgetting things!- Medical condition or your own brain child!

Do we actually forget things?

How often do we forget things?

Or we just pretend to forget things?

One another medically correct reason can be- amnesia! There are different types of them, ah! Let’s not get into those! Well it’s an occupational hazard to talk about these things! Never mind! Well that’s my style isn’t? Always drifting away from the factual facts!

Alrightyyyy then let’s see how far I can get through! Yeah so what was I saying, again! Yeah why do we forget things!

Let’s start with the age factor…. When we are young, young includes both teenagers and early twenties and for some exceptions like me though late twenties also count in…yeah so when we are young we remember each and every moment, birthdays, journey together, first ice cream together and my gawd what not! Anniversaries! yeah there’s a long list! For the one’s in love, may be first proposal, bunch of red roses, first valentine’s day, first kiss and even sex(Oh c’mon don’t gimme that omg wala look!!) For the one’s with a lovely lively and adorable gang, we remember those little fights, those bicycle rides in the middle of the road and small cute fights between the garam-masala chai drinkers and coffee addicts (this particular detail is very much intentional).. No matter what time it is, we always have time for that extra little talk talk…We return back the calls in case we miss, which we hardly miss…. We swear on eachother that we will always be together till our last breathe…If you stay away from family, friends become your family…. You laugh with them, you cry with them! Trust me I am even luckier to have two little brats with me since my graduation! Sometimes it feels so full and sometimes it feels so void! What else? I guess I am not missing out on any facts!

But then comes the tricky part! We start growing up! We grow into a relationship and we do grow out of a relationship! We grow with people around us and we grow old with people with us!  Life starts unfolding its rough layers and we start getting wrapped into thicker and more thicker layers! Yeah now you must be thinking what happened to the memory loss part! Thing is sometimes errr quite often I get lost in my own pile of thoughts!Sooo...

 If you are a woman! A man comes into your life and everything changes! If you are a man! Even if a woman comes to your life you still try to hang on to the previous era! Where as for the former breed of women, some are true gems like I have one in my life! No matter where life takes her, she is still standing at the same place where I had left her few years ago! And the later breed of great men! They try and try and try to get hold of things! Get it back running the same way! But Like always, the sex comes n between! Vooo hoo! Not sex-sex! It’s the official term for distinguishing male and females! Now you got me!! Ha ha ha! Yeah as a woman, we are a little possessive, a little insecure and a lot more attention seeker! We want your every bit of time! I don’t know about others! I will like that! When you are with me, you have to be with me! When you are with others, like I always say! Enjoy! Have loads and lot more fun! And some, I don’t know what’s holding them or whatsoever are their problem! They seem so annoying! Very very annoying! They forget you or they suffer from memory loss or amnesia! What is the problem! They don’t return your call back! They have answers for every damn thing! And what you do, you listen, listen and listen and in the end you give up! Yeah that’s what I have learnt in my precious 27 years!

At times it hurts you to see them growing out of the circle! But then replaying those sweet little old memories you realize in the end, you were never in that circle! They were and they are happy without you! Like always you walk out saying who cares as long as I have few good ones!

You know what I exactly think is that it’s not memory loss It’s definitely not a medical condition! It’s just that you start growing old and at the same time you start drifting away! You tend to forget things! People like me! Sometimes even am puzzled! Yeah I forget things! I forget birthdays! I forget anniversaries! Have I become amnesic? Naah! I just want to! Am I trying to forget everything that makes me weak in my knees or am I honey trapped in my very own rules? I don’t know! How you do it? You stop actually listening to details that people have to give, you just intentionally become careless and you give a damn what everyone thinks!! Yeah that is the golden key!!

Sometimes ignorance is a bliss!

Sometimes memory loss is a blessing!

Sometimes staying cool is just so wonderful!

Sometimes being yourself is so easy!

Sometimes reverting back to old self gives you insane amount of peace!

 But in the end who cares! As long as you are happy! 

And it is irreversible!