Too much like love

I think love is very much like morphine!
It has abuse liability!

When you are under the influence of love-drug, its all cloudy above and outside your head!
When the effect is wearing off, you start to feel that floating

Hannibal is not pleasing to watch
Neither for the faint hearted
Nor for the sensible human

But there comes a time, when you are so angry at yourself than at other people, you are sane enough not to hurt yourself, so you look for virtual gross sightings! 
I don't know whether I am into it or not but it definitely helped me to flush my anger.
Since I have lost it all, I find it difficult to watch gory hannibal! 

Or its just the state of my mind! Like always!

Yours
I am not a morphine user
I am just a pharmacologist
Drawing out my own conclusions, like always

Too humane isn't ethically correct!

The other day my friend accused me of being 'too humane'. Well those of you who know me well, will probably understand why this troubles me. Too humane! Will that make me a saint? I don't want to be one. Hugh Grant said to Sandra Bullock in the movie two weeks notice ' you are too perfect. You are like a saint. Saints are boring. Nobody wants to live with a saint.' Well is that the reason ..never mind...

What is right?
Always seeing the good things in a person?
Or always seeing the ugly things in a person?
Can you be neutral?
Or can you see both of them and balance the palette?
I can't. Something good and something bad always affects my judgement. Is it just me? Does it happen to everyone else?

Well if you ignore the negative things, does it make you too naive??
Well if you ignore the positive things, does it make you too aware??

How much is too naive?
How much is too aware?

Or is it that, you will have to cultivate the, for that matter I have to cultivate the art of judging people based on both their aura? Isn't that too humane? (wink) ( oh I miss the wink so much)

There are things I don't know! But I want to know.

And if something isn't right, I get that off feeling! It troubles me about how and why small things affect me so much!

Yours
I don't need saving
I can, I have and I will continue to save myself
I just need answers

Unlearning!

The transition from 'I can't live without you' to ' what the hell was I thinking!'  is never easy. Nobody said it is. But after I or for that matter anybody who reflects back, definitely doubts his/her sanity! It kind of sounds very hilarious now but the past is in the past. It annoys you. It haunts you. It tears you up from within. But after you have self taught yourself how to rise above all this, it is very difficult to unlearn. 

Yours
How easy is to unlearn things

Act of detachment

The act of detachment!

The more I run away, the less I achieve it
The less I expect, the more I resent
The more I resent, the less peaceful it gets
The less chaotic I make it, the more appealing it appears
The more I run away, the less I achieve it


The more I detach myself, the less it hurts
The less it hurts, the more I reflect
The more I think over it, the less I brood over
The less I care, the more I cry
The more I feel sad, the less comes out 
The less I become depressed, the more air I breathe in
The  more I detach myself, the less it hurts

Then why do I ask myself the same question
The why do I still think of you in a certain way
Then why do I linger in my memories
Then why do I connect with people
Then why do I yearn for love 
Then why do I sing the unsung songs

Probably deep within somewhere that old self is still surviving
That old self is looking for a chance to surface again
That old self is what I am
But why do I like the new cold me?


Is this the turning point, where the old self will resurface again and will point to the new self that I am actually over you?


Yours
Unanswered questions

Its always easier to end a conversation than start one.
While ending or for that matter if you wish to end one, just say nothing.
But if you wish to continue, you have to actually contribute.

Yours
Writers block
Too many thoughts make my brain go mad

Found the old me

I am sceptical. Always there's some part of me that wants to scream out loud. 

But then there is that
But then there is that thought 
That clogs me down
That drags me down

I haven't felt this way in a long time
Long time isn't long enough

Even I can be happy
Even I can be happier with people around
Even I can still be me within the crowd
Even I can go back to being the same warm person

Yes cold never bothers me
Yes warmth always scares me
Yes the old me is emotional
Yes the new me is stone cold
Yes I like the new me

Sometimes in the middle of no where, you realise that you have healed
Sometimes in the middle of a road, you hear your own thoughts
Sometimes in the middle of a conversation, you experience deja-vu
Sometimes in the middle of a trip, you get to clear your head


Yours 
I find myself short for words
I find myself being cautious over being expressive
I find myself at a place where I am afraid to bare my soul
But I have found myself
 But I have found the old me