Not even a silent yes, not even a louder no

The pain is incandescent. Sometimes i just want to dig in as many hole it takes to make a big hollow cylinder so that whatever goes in, comes out clean! But i guess i don't have any filter. Whatever goes in, gets stuck for quite sometime. What amazes me is whether it gets stuck deliberately or i suffocate it to death inside me?
But the if it stays, then for how long?

By the way how long is forever??

Sometimes i wish i could make the pain go away by bursting the bubble
And sometimes i wish i could suck out the pain out my life through a needle!

And you say i don't have any wish! 

You never leave me!
You never leave me alone!

I think about you when am awake!
I think about you in the shower!
I think about you when am physically somewhere else!
I think about you in my trans state!
I think about you when am driving, probably that's the reason why i get lost!
I think about you when am alone, but am i alone, probably that's why am so self-involved!
I think about you when am asleep!
I think about a lot and probably that's why it is so exhausting!

You know what i think  i should take a break from myself!! Well is that even possible??

When i become tired of you, i rest my ever restless mind
But i guess that is formidable ever since i met you
And i end up dreaming about you!
And i end of loving you even more!

I know love is not enough, but how much is enough?

I have to let go 
I have to close the lid once again
I have to shut down
I have to zip up once again

And you have nothing to say!
Not even a silent yes!
Not even a louder no!

And here i am, again!! Stuck in the same neurotic place as ever!