Faith

I wonder is it because my faith is complicated or I am too proud to accept that fact that I am a believer! It always baffles me though, why do you have to be believer  to follow the meticulous rules formed by our forefathers. 
Isn't he omnipresent!
Isn't he within us!
Isn't he a she and she a he!
Isn't it that our intentions, our faith and our prayers matter!

Then why are we forced to follow the rules! 
Then why do we the daily mundane things in an extravagant way!
Why can't I be a one who prays not who worships!
But then you know to fit in, you have to do it their way!
That is why they call you a rebel when you drift away!
That is why they call  you a non-believer when you don't preach what is expected from you!


Sometimes I think may be I am a little agonistic!
Sometimes I know I am sceptic!
Sometimes I know I have a conflicted mind and troubled heart!
It takes me along! It drags me up!

Am I an agnostic because I search for logic ?
Is anyone is truly an agnostic?
Isn't having faith is all you need? 
Isn't faith is what drags you  through life?
Will that make you agnostic?

I won't say I am religious!
I know I have had my phases of believe and disbelieve!
I won't say I am spiritual!
But I know I am logical and being a logical person has it perks!

And I have faith in you!
This is how I made me! This is how you made me! 


Yours
Faith

Which is worse

I don't know which is worse,

The fact that you are a memory now

Or the fact you still haunt me

The fact that you are a nightmare now

Or the fact that I still long for you

I don't know which is worse

Jotting my feelings down

Or pushing them in the left corner of my left heart 

Let the tears roll down my cheek

Or just smile through 

Wish I knew which is worse!

Yours
Thinking out loud

Self-reflection

How much of self reflection can you take in?

Is there a 'little too much' ?

Is there a 'little too less' ?

Are you afraid of the dark my dear?

Isn't reflection is always a way to build a better 'you'!

Isn't reflection is not supposed to scare you?

If it scares you, then who will show you the dark!

For every dark, there is light

And for every light there is dark



Cause babe! You are your own salvation!

Yours
Not so often I get soul-stirring thoughts now

Unsettling thoughts

I tend to see the good in a soul

Its goodness, helps me like them better

Its goodness, helps me mingle

Its goodness, helps me to withhold my peace of mind

Is this such a bad thing!

Is this my weakness!

Is this how I want to be the future me!

I can be judgmental sometimes, you know! Like they say, ignorance is bliss! It truly is! At least for me! I always have this fear of turning into an egocentric, arrogant and ruthless person. I hope never become one. 

Yours
Restless mind and unsettling thoughts

Saga of a moderately exhausted soul!

Letting you thrive under my breath

Letting you out of my box under my wistful mind

Letting you out of the guarded self 

Letting you out of the flip side 

Holding you back in, gives me jitters

Suffocating you within, gives me mindless pain

Drowning you inside, gives me serious pleasure


Why is it that , I have so much self-doubt! Sometimes it gets over my head and sometimes I self-doubt my self-doubt.! 
It's exhausting!
But sometimes I feel it acts as my defense system!
But sometimes I feel it soothes my troubled soul!


Yours
I self-doubt my self-doubt
I wonder how righteous that is